A Dream Come True

My new 2020 Chevrolet Bolt LT on Pilot Mountain

When I was about 14 years old I learned in my 9th grade science class that gasoline engines are very inefficient. (That hasn’t changed much in 51 years; most of today’s cars have gasoline engines that are 20% to 35% efficient.) I already knew that any internal combustion engine (ICE) is a terrible polluter. This was a year before the Clean Air Act of 1970, and 6 years before new cars in the U.S. were required to have catalytic converters. Back then you could literally SEE the exhaust of most older cars.

About that time I also learned that an ICE is quite complicated.

From the day I learned that 3/4 of the expensive, polluting gasoline we burn goes entirely to waste I was never entirely comfortable with an ICE. Especially one that is running while the vehicle is sitting still: at stop lights, during warm ups, to keep the air conditioning running while parked, etc. Burning fuel, AND polluting, AND wearing itself out even when it is not moving the vehicle! Any time you decide to start an ICE, it’s best to keep it running until it reaches its normal operating temperature. Short trips that do not get an ICE to operating temperature are bad for it. And EVERY cold start of an ICE causes engine wear since it takes a moment for oil to be pumped into its moving parts. I started thinking of ways of powering vehicles in other ways, and I never stopped thinking about it.

A couple of years later, when I owned my first car, an 11-year-old, well-used VW Bug, I began learning how much maintenance an ICE requires. Oil changes were every 3,000 miles. Tune-ups were typically done every 10,000 miles and included new spark plugs, a set of ignition points, and a condenser, often a distributor cap and rotor, and sometimes spark plug wires, and an ignition coil. Carburetors had to be adjusted regularly. And in those days most cars engines were worn out before they had 100,000 miles on them.

1903 Studebaker Electric

Something else I learned: diesel engines do not directly power diesel train locomotive wheels. The diesel engine drives a generator which powers electric motors that turn the wheels. (Until I learned that, I wondered how on earth an engineer could possibly operate the humongous clutch that would be required. 😅😂) I had been intrigued by electricity from about the age of four. If electric motors moved trains, it seemed to me they would be perfect for powering a smaller electric vehicle (EV), but with rechargeable batteries, not by an inefficient ICE.

The first electric car was created by a Hungarian priest in 1828. For the rest of the 19th century inventors built electric cars and trains. In 1902, "Studebaker Automobile Company” began mass producing electric cars. But at age 14 I was not aware that EVs had already existed.

1976 1/2 Citicar

Beginning in 1974, Sebring-Vanguard (in Sebring, Florida) built and sold an EV called the Citicar. When I moved to Sebring in 1976 I hoped to find a used Citicar for sale. But, I discovered that the Citicar was just that, a city car, without the speed or range to drive between towns.

General Motors EV1

For the next quarter of a century I heard very little about EVs. I was vaguely aware that GM built a concept EV called the Impact. (The reason I remember it is because Jay Leno joked about naming a car “Impact”.) GM built and leased the EV1 (based on the Impact) from 1996 to 1999. The customers who leased the cars loved them, but GM didn’t view them as profitable. Not wanting to be required to build spare parts for the EV1, they crushed most of them rather than selling any of them at the end of the leases.

Somewhere along the way I learned that gasoline is much less expensive in the U.S. than in Europe. I began to believe (and still do) that if Americans had been forced to pay European gas prices, many/most of us would have been driving EVs long ago. Americans love their cars, and would have figured out a less expensive way to keep driving as much as they do.

Around the end of the twentieth century I rode in a Toyota Prius that was owned by a manager where I worked. She loved the car. And it was very cool to hear the engine shut off when we stopped for a red light. For a few moments the ICE wasn’t polluting and wearing itself out! About 15 years later I drove a friend’s Prius on a trip up into Virginia to attend a Mardi Gras festival. My brother has driven Priuses for years, and my mother bought one a few years ago. I think a hybrid is a good step in the right direction, and all the owners I have known have loved them. But, having an electric vehicle WITH the complexity of an ICE just doesn’t sit well with me. I was certain that I would be happier with a hybrid than with an ICE-only vehicle, but what I have REALLY wanted for most of my life is the simplicity of a battery electric vehicle (BEV).

A decade or so ago I learned that Ford had been building and selling Ranger (truck) EVs (from 1998 to 2012). The restorable used ones I found for sale on eBay required more work (and expense) than I was willing to put into one. I purchased the book “Build Your Own Electric Vehicle” thinking it might help me figure out how to either resurrect a worn out Ranger EV, or start an EV project of my own. I never found the time to do either.

Then I heard about the Tesla Roadster (2008 to 2012), with a 200-mile range. I don’t have a lot of use for a car with only 2 seats (although I loved my 1987 Mazda RX-7 2-seater, but mainly because it had only 3 moving parts in its engine!), but began to believe that practical, longer range EVs would eventually come.

I absolutely fell in love with the Tesla Model S. A couple of years ago I realized I could buy a 2013 Model S for a little over $30,000 with unlimited lifetime supercharging on Tesla’s awesome network! That was still too much money for me, plus it would be out of warranty and expensive to repair. (ie. $1,346.75 to replace the non-automotive-grade information screen if it fails.)

Julie's LEAF

Five years ago my daughter, Julie, bought a BEV: a 3-year-old Nissan LEAF. It had about 17,000 miles on it, as I recall, and she bought it for $25,000 less than when it was new! It has an 80-mile range, which suits her normal daily routine perfectly. I offered to install a Level 2 (240v) charger in her garage, but she really doesn’t need it. Every night she plugs her LEAF into a regular 120v outlet (Level 1 charging) and has a full charge in the morning. I decided that if I could justify owning two vehicles, I’d keep my ICE vehicle for trips and drive a LEAF like Julie’s every day.

A few weeks ago I test drove a 2018 LEAF. It has a 150-mile range and the dealer was asking $19,000. A new LEAF Plus has a 226-mile range. In my opinion that kind of range is getting pretty close to good enough to have it as an only car. But MSRP on a new LEAF Plus starts at $38,200. 

Then I saw a new 2020 Bolt Premier advertised for about $27,000 at Terry Labonte Chevrolet. (MSRP on the Premier starts at $41,020.) The 2020 Bolt has a range of 259 miles. I stopped in and talked to a sales rep who informed me that, in order to get that price, I would have to qualify for a long list of discounts. I looked under the hood of the advertised Bolt and saw…a radiator! Julie’s LEAF doesn’t have a radiator! More complexity!

I was a bit put off by that until I started reading up on EVs. One thing I learned is that the reason the Bolt has a radiator is to condition the battery. A very hot battery can permanently lose some of its ability to hold a charge. That’s referred to as battery degradation. While a battery is very cold it is less efficient. The Bolt protects it’s battery from degradation by cooling it when needed, and keeps the battery more efficient by warming it when needed. Most EVs rely on air cooling. Liquid cooling is better! UK leasing specialist, Select Car Leasing, used Geotab fleet tracking software to determine first-year EV battery degradation on over 6,300 EVs. The Bolt was best, showing no degradation…at all. (Audi was next, followed by two Tesla models, then the Nissan LEAF.)

A Bolt was sounding like the best EV I might could afford. If I could live with the Bolt as my only car, I could sell my Honda Odyssey to help pay for it. But I would lose the ability to carry 8 people or a large amount of cargo. (I haven’t needed that often.) Long trips would take longer, since my range would be reduced AND it takes longer to charge a battery than to put gas in a car.

For weeks I thought about whether an EV as an only car was a good idea for me.

I saw another Terry Labonte Chevrolet ad: a 2020 Bolt LT for around $24,000, after a $8,500 GM rebate. I knew that wouldn’t be my price, since I knew I didn’t qualify for all the discounts. I also saw that a used car dealer had a 2017 Bolt with 12,000 miles on it advertised for $23,000. I decided to purchase a Bolt that day, IF I got a good enough deal. If Terry Labonte Chevrolet could actually come close to their advertised price, I would drive a brand spankin’ new 2020 Bolt home. If they could not, I would visit the used car dealer and try to get a deal on the 2017.

I really like white cars, because they don't show dirt, scratches, etc. as much as colors do. Black, of course, is the worst. But the new 2020 Bolt the dealer was able to sell me for the least amount of money was Nightfall Gray Metallic. It was a loaded LT, which means that it had most of the options that are standard in the Premier trim. After negotiation, the total price, INCLUDING tax, tag, and title fees, was $14,000 below the factory sticker price!

I bought it.

I now drive a car with only one moving part in its motor. A car that does not require that the engine be warmed up to operating temperature every time it's started. That has zero emissions. That doesn’t have an engine wearing itself out while the car sits motionless. That is quiet, whether moving or sitting still. That will run 93 mph (its governed top end) continuously for 176 miles on a single charge. (I will never test that.)

And the color has really grown on me. I think its beautiful. Even much prettier than the white.

When I have driven my ICE vehicle the 615 miles from my house to my February timeshare in Lake Buena Vista, Florida, with leisurely food and gas stops it usually takes me 12 hours. Google Maps says it's just under a 9 hour drive, so my leisurely stops must be totaling about 3 hours. (The older I get, the less I want to hurry.) 

In my Bolt I will drive about 220 miles, then make four 30-minute stops to add 100 or so miles of charge at each stop. (Fast charging gradually slows down after the battery is at about 50%, so it doesn’t make sense to charge it back up to full.) That’s 2 hours of stops, and lunch can be included in one of them. In order to maximize my range I might also set the cruise control to 65 mph, vs. the 70 (or 80) that I normally drive. That will probably add at least another hour total. Stops: 2 hours, driving slower: 1 hour. Even if I take more time at each stop, the trip might not take THAT much longer in the Bolt.

For years I have looked for ways to avoid driving, especially on short trips. I will do without something I want or need until I am going out for something else rather than make multiple trips. I now drive a car that does not have to be driven to some "operating temperature" before shutting it off, whose motor will likely last a million miles or so and does not run unless it is moving the car, and produces no emissions, and that doesn’t experience engine wear from cold starts. I have sat in my Bolt waiting in a parking lot for as much as an hour with the air conditioning and radio running. (Doing that for an hour consumes about a mile of battery charge. Which costs me about 2 cents, if I charged at home.) The only power used is for the air conditioning and the radio. The only sounds are from the air conditioning and the radio. My air conditioner is not powered by an engine that generates heat and toxins for the sole purpose of running the air conditioner compressor in order to cool the cabin.

For the past two weeks I have awakened every morning thinking about where I might go today. I have driven over an hour to purchase a $5 item that someone advertised on Facebook Marketplace. I have visited places that I had not seen in years, and others that I had never seen because I didn’t want to waste the gas.

Sometimes I enjoy a little free charging while I am out. At the moment plenty of free chargers exist, provided by some cities and universities and Duke Energy. When I travel and use fast chargers, my “fuel” outlay will probably be a little less than I would pay for gasoline for an ICE. But when I charge at home, it costs me $1 to add 43 miles of charge to my battery. When gasoline is $2.00 per gallon, I’m getting 86 miles to the “gallon”. When gasoline is $2.50 I’ll be getting the equivalent of 97 mpg. When gas is $3.00, my $3.00 worth of electricity will be taking me 129 miles.

A 51-year dream fulfilled. Really.

Goodbye, Mom

My mother died yesterday.

Please don’t send condolences for my loss. My loss occurred years ago, and I am perfectly okay with it, because it is what my mother wanted.

Mom raised me in a cult that shuns cult members who leave…including family. Everyone outside the cult is “the world”, “bad association”, all of them…family included.

Really.

Partly for that reason, I never had any real relationship with my father (who refused to join the cult). In the last 3 or 4 years before he died (over 30 years ago), I had started developing a tiny bit of a relationship with him. When he died, I was momentarily overcome with grief, because I knew that, if a real relationship could ever have developed, it would not now.

A decade ago I left the cult (Jehovah’s Witnesses), but for a while my mother continued to communicate and visit with me. She did it secretly, though, so that my middle daughter and my ex-wife (both still in the cult; my ex-wife moved in with my mother when we divorced) would not know that she was communicating with me. (I know, if you are not a Jehovah’s Witness that sounds really screwed up…and it is. But, if you have ever been a Jehovah’s Witness, you understand.)

Then, 5 years ago, Mom sent me a letter explaining why she needed to stop associating with me. (I understood. Before leaving the cult, I had shunned 2 of my daughters who had left the cult.) I have talked to Mom exactly once since then: Four years ago she called because she heard that I was taking my first semester of college. (The cult strongly discouraged higher education when I was young. Since then they have lightened up just a little on that stance.) Mom asked me what I was studying.

“Psychology.”

“Why on earth would you want to study psychology? Jehovah knows everything there is to know about psychology!”

Bingo.

I have an answer to her question (actually several), but answering would involve an hour or more, and would result in hurt feelings. So, I thanked her for her concern.

End of conversation.

When I received word yesterday that my mother was dying (about an hour before she actually died), I thought about making the 3-hour drive there. (I’ve been in Lake Buena Vista, Florida for the past week.) But, the only person there who might have wanted to see me was my mother…and if she did want to see me it almost certainly would have been to admonish me to "return to Jehovah" before it is “too late.”

Goodbye, Mom.

(If she heard, or read, that ‘goodbye', her belief about the afterlife was wrong. She believed that she would simply cease to exist until she is someday resurrected back to perfect life on a perfect earth, to live forever. But, maybe she did hear or read it.)

Yeah, I’ll miss you. But not the way that you thought I would. I will never regret leaving the cult. Being in the cult definitely altered my life, but I was okay with that when I thought I would live forever, that I would have forever to enjoy the education, travel, and friendships that I gladly skipped for 55 years.

I will miss you because, although your love for me was 100% dependent on my being faithful to the the cult, in my lifetime we did manage to have some very good times together.

For the past decade I have, for the first time in my entire life, lived authentically. My life. The way I was born to live. Unlike during my entire first 55 years, for the past 10 years I have not allowed you, nor anyone else, to dissuade me. And I have been, by far, the happiest I have ever been in my entire life. Ever. I call myself the luckiest man in the world, and I truly believe that.

You chose your life. And, for the most part (with very few hiccups) you were faithful to it right to the end.

I am happy for you.

And, I am happy for me.

Community

Recently I was elected to the board of directors of my home owners association (HOA).  In my view, the HOA is a "team", and the purpose of the board of directors is simply to represent the team.  The board should not attempt to BE the team by creating (or enforcing) policy that the HOA has not authorized.  Within days of being elected, I discovered that some of the directors do not share my view.  I am not bothered terribly when I am criticized by a director for a stand that I have taken for the rights of the entire HOA.  However, I do have to work with the board.  The Different Drum—Community Making and Peace (© 1987) appeared to be exactly what I needed.

Although my sole reason for reading The Different Drum was to learn how to function as a director, as with every M. Scott Peck book that I have read, it changed my view of the world.

According to Peck, "If we are going to use the word [community] meaningfully we must restrict it to a group of individuals who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to 'rejoice together, mourn together,' and to 'delight in each other, make others' conditions our own.'"  Community is and must be:

• Inclusive (not exclusive)
• Realistic
• Contemplative
• A safe place
• A laboratory for personal disarmament
• A group that can fight gracefully
• A group of all leaders
• Have a group spirit (but NOT a competitive spirit!)

I quickly realized that I have probably never been part of any true community in the past.  Some groups that I was a part of (family, religion) never were communities at all.  Until I was well into my 50s, I would not have allowed any other group with which I was associated (school, employment) to include me as "community".

My best shot at community should have been my marriage.  Initially, my wife was much better than I at living authentically, realistically.  We were bound by the same religion, and she was sometimes quite open about voicing disagreement with our religious doctrine.  Because I was a black-and-white thinker, I was not so open...not even with my wife.  (Even when we both agreed on the error of a doctrine, we sometimes sharply disagreed on how it should affect our lives.)  Primarily, it was my own lack of realism that prevented us from becoming what Peck calls "a community of two".

I was well into my 50s when I finally gave myself permission to be real.  Now, finally, I have the potential to become a part of community.

Some interesting quotes from The Different Drum:

The world "radical" comes from the Latin radix, meaning "root"—the same word from which we get "radish."  The proper radical is one who tries to get to the root of things, not to be distracted by superficials, to see the woods for the trees.  It is good to be a radical.  Anyone who thinks deeply will be one.  In the dictionary the closest synonym to "radical" is "fundamentalist."  Which only makes sense.  Someone who gets down to the root of things is someone who gets down to the fundamentals.  (p. 25)

I dreamed that somewhere there would be a girl, a woman, a mate with whom I could be totally honest and open, and have a relationship in which the whole of me would be acceptable.  (p. 28)

Simply seek happiness, and you are not likely to find it.  Seek to create and love without regard to your happiness, and you will likely be happy much of the time.  Seeking joy in and of itself will not bring it to you.  Do the work of creating community, and you will obtain it—although never exactly according to your schedule.  Joy is an uncapturable yet utterly predictable side effect of genuine community.  (p. 40)

Most, to a greater or lesser degree, fail to individuate—to separate—ourselves from family, tribe, or caste.  ...  But in light of all we understand, this failure to individuate is a failure to grow up and become fully human.  For we are called to be individuals.  We are called to be unique and different.  (p. 54)

We are called to wholeness and simultaneously to recognition of our incompleteness; called to power and to acknowledge our weakness; called to both individuation and interdependence.  (p. 56)

In genuine community there are no sides.  It is not always easy, but by the time they reach community the members have learned how to give up cliques and factions. ... Just because it is a safe place does not mean community is a place without conflict.  It is, however, a place where conflict can be resolved without physical or emotional bloodshed and with wisdom as well as grace.  A community is a group that can fight gracefully.  (p. 71)

Another of the essential characteristics of community is a total decentralization of authority.  ... Community is a group of all leaders.  ... Committees are virtually never communities.  (p. 72)

Competitiveness is always exclusive; genuine community is inclusive.  If community has enemies, it has begun to lose the spirit of community—if it ever had it in the first place.  (p. 74)

Pseudocommunity is conflict-avoiding; true community is conflict-resolving.  (p. 88)

The basic pretense of pseudocommunity is the denial of individual differences.  The members pretend—act as if—they all have the same belief in Jesus Christ, the same understanding of the Russians, even the same life history.  One of the characteristics of pseudocommunity is that people tend to speak in generalities.  "Divorce is a miserable experience," they will say.  Or "One has to trust one's own instincts."  Or "We need to accept that our parents did the best they could."  Or "Once you've found God, then you don't need to be afraid anymore."  Or "Jesus has saved us from our sins."  ...  Another characteristic of pseudocommunity is that the members will let one another get away with such blanket statements.  (p. 89)

Underlying attempts to heal and convert is not so much the motive of love as the motive to make everyone normal—and the motive to win, as the members fight over whose norm might prevail.  (p. 91)

Organization and community are...incompatible.  ...an organization is able to nurture a measure of community within itself only to the extent that it is willing to risk or tolerate a certain lack of structure.  (p. 93)

Fighting is far better than pretending you are not divided.  (p. 94)

One reason to distrust instant community is that community-building requires time—the time to have sufficient experience to become conscious of our prejudices and then to empty ourselves of them.  (p. 96)

My most basic motive when I strive to heal is to feel good about myself.  But there are several problems here.  One is that my cure is usually not my friend's.  Indeed, offering someone my cure usually only makes that person feel worse.  (p. 97)

An extraordinary amount of healing and converting begins to occur—now that no one is trying to convert or heal.  And community has been born.  (p. 103-4)

Myths are myths precisely because they are true.  Myths are found in one form or another in culture after culture, age after age.  The reason for their permanence and universality is precisely that they are embodiments of great truths.  (p. 171)

All myths are about human nature, one way or another.  (p. 172)

Since we believed that the Germans were "just like us," the only way we could account for their atrocious behavior was to assume that somehow they had been enslaved by the madman Hitler, the evil ruler.  Erich Fromm's seminal work, Escape from Freedom, was so important precisely because it exposed this illusion.  In it, Fromm compellingly demonstrated that insofar as they had become enslaved, it was because the German people had sold out to Hitler.  (p. 173)

Perhaps because it would be a much simpler world if we were all alike, it is the tendency of human beings in all cultures to err dreadfully on the side of severely underestimating our differences.  (p. 176)

The reality of human nature is that we are—and always will be—profoundly different, for the most salient feature of human nature lies in its capacity to be molded by culture and experience in extremely variable ways.  (p. 178)

What distinguishes us humans most from other creatures is not our opposing thumb or our magnificent larynx or our huge cerebral cortex, it is our dramatic relative lack of instincts—inherited, performed patterns of behavior that give other creatures a much more fixed and predetermined nature than we have as humans.  (p. 179)

Psychotherapists, who are in the business of "adult-making," know that many people who look like adults are really emotional children in adult clothing.  That is not because their patients are necessarily more immature than the average person.  To the contrary, those who genuinely assume the humble but honorable role of patient do so precisely because they are the ones who are being called out of immaturity.  ... True adults are those of us who have learned to continually develop and exercise their capacity for transformation.  (p. 181)

I would define the idealist as one who believes in the capacity for transformation of human nature.  ...  It is the idealists who are the realistic ones.  (p. 183)

The personality—whether that of an individual or a nation—inherently resists change.  Patients come to psychotherapy, on way or another, asking to change.  But from the moment therapy begins, they start acting as if change was the last thing they wanted and often will fight it tooth and nail.  Psychotherapy, designed to liberate, shines the light of truth upon ourselves.  The truth will set you free—but first it will make you damn mad—is an adage that reflects this resistance.  (p. 184)

Our political and spiritual leadership has declined in inverse proportion to the increasing amounts of money and effort we have expended to manipulate other countries.  (p. 185)

Gale Webbe wrote in his classic work on the deeper aspects of spiritual growth that the further one grows spiritually, the more and more people one loves and the fewer and fewer people one likes.  (p. 186)

One of the two greatest sins of our sinful Christian Church has been its discouragement, through the ages, of doubt.  (p. 200)

Erich Fromm once defined socialization as the process of "learning to like to do what we have to do."  It is what happens when we learn to feel natural about going to the bathroom in the toilet.  (p. 202)

Aldous Huxley labeled mysticism "the perennial philosophy" because the mystical way of thinking and being has existed in all cultures and all times since the dawn of recorded history.  (p. 202-3)

The number of people entering the mystical stage of development and transcending ordinary culture seems to have increased a thousandfold in the course of a mere generation or two.  (p. 205)

Meditation can probably be best defined as the process by which we can empty our minds.  ...  The virtue of meditation is that whatever comes into emptiness is beyond our control.  It is the unforeseen, the unexpected, the new.  And it is only from the unforeseen, the unexpected, the new that we learn.  (p. 210)

If you continually ask questions of life and are continually willing to be open and empty enough to hear life's answer and to ponder the meaning, you will be a contemplative.  (p. 211)

Emptiness requires work.  It is an exercise of discipline and is always the most difficult part of the process that a group must undergo if it is to become a community.  Like any discipline, it can become easier if we make it a habit, as I have suggested Jesus did.  But even if habitual, it is still painful.  For emptiness always requires a negation of the self and the need to know, a sacrifice.  (p. 217)

Mystics of all cultures and religions speak in terms of paradox—not in terms of "either/or" but in terms of "both/and."  (p. 220)

Perhaps the best known and most telling of all Christian paradoxes was Jesus' statement:  "He that saves his life shall lose it; and he that loses his life, for my sake, shall find it."  By this Jesus did not mean that each and every one of us is called to be victim to bodily murder as he was.  He did mean, however, that death of the psychological self is required for salvation.  This same sacrifice of self is required for emptiness.  Such sacrifice usually does not mean actual physical death.  But it always means some kind of death—the death of an idea or ideology, or a traditionally held cultural view, or even at the very least simply an entrenched pattern of "black or white" or "either/or" thinking.  (p. 220-1)

All change is a kind of death, and all growth requires that we go through depression.  (p. 222)

What are the criteria for discerning religious integrity?  Truth in religion is characterized by inclusivity and paradox.  Falsity in religion can be detected by its one-sidedness and failure to integrate the whole.  (p. 240)

Heresy is destructive only when it dictates behavior.  As an idea alone it has no importance.  Behavior is the key.  ...  While all forms of thinking should be tolerated, some forms of behavior should not be.  ... There is no such thing as a belief or theology—no matter how false, incomplete, or heretical—that cannot be accepted in the inclusiveness of true community.  Conversely, the attempt to exclude individuals because of their beliefs, however silly or primitive, is always destructive to community.  (p. 245)

Our heritage of religious freedom is one of the greatest blessings of this nation.  The requirement for government to restrain itself from imposing a particular religious-belief system on its citizens is both a cornerstone of democracy and an evolutionary step in the history of civilization.  Yet if this separation also obliges citizens to refrain totally from seeking to express their religious views within political and economic spheres, it will inevitably lead to utterly "privatized" and superficial religious practice.  ...  No separation means the demise of religious freedom.  Total separation means the demise of genuine religion.  (p. 246)

"People want peace so much that governments had better get out of the way and let them have it."—Dwight D. Eisenhower, London Sunday Times, 1960  (p. 260)

This country refused to join the League of Nations and has done its best to emasculate the United Nations.  The reality is that, like Christianity, world government "has not been tried and found wanting but hasn't been tried at all."  ...  As Golda Meir once put it, "International government does not mean the end of nations any more than an orchestra means the end of violins."  (p. 274)

Eric Berne taught us something else about psychological games:  the only way to stop playing them is to stop.  (p. 277)

When he left office more than a quarter of a century ago, President Eisenhower warned us to beware of the military-industrial complex.  (p. 279)

People frequently fail to grow because they retreat from the pain of depression and are unwilling to do "the work of depression."  (p. 281)

Remember the early Christian theologian Origen, who said, "The Spirit stands for progress, and evil then, by definition is that which refuses progress."  (p. 281)

A will unsubmitted to anything higher than itself is, or will inevitably become, evil.  So it is that capitalism, in and of itself, has a profound tendency to "refuse progress".  (p. 284)

It is because it resists change that we say "pride goeth before the fall."  (p. 285)

In Vietnam it was the extraordinary power of nationalism, not communism, that brought the United States to its knees.  To oppose legitimate nationalism is to do so at our peril.  (p. 287)

Recently a man representing a potential source of funds attended a community-building training conference conducted by Foundation for Community Encouragement.  Toward the very end this man said with visible agony, "I feel torn apart.  On one hand this has been a most moving experience for me.  I have personally benefited from it more than I dreamed.  I am very glad that I came and surprisingly sad to be leaving.  But as I think about what has happened here, about the essence of the experience and what you are trying to do, I cannot help but conclude that it is really about nothing more than love.  And how on earth can I go back to my board of directors and sell them on love?"  That man's problem is ours and yours.  It is our task and yours to sell the world on love.  (p. 334)

Being in the Now on the Road

For most of my life, I believed that I was a spiritual person.  I was confident, because I was always striving to follow the religious principles that I was taught.  But I eventually began to notice that some people used the words "spiritual" and "spirituality" in a sense that was foreign to me.  I began to wonder if, perhaps, I was missing something.

Right now I am in the process of reading "You Have Chosen to Remember: A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy" by James Blanchard Cisneros.  If this book had come into my possession several years ago, I almost surely would have destroyed it.  Since then I have become quite open-minded...willing to question anything that I believe.  Even so, had I read it only two years ago I likely would have dismissed it as not being based in "reality".

In the past two years I have read books (on "spirituality", and on "quantum mechanics") that have convinced me that much of what I have always "known" is false...simply my perception.

During the past week, as I read "You Have Chosen to Remember", any time I read something that seems a bit too far "out there", I ask myself, 'Am I trying to reject this idea because it is not possible?  Or, am I trying to reject it simply because I have never believed it?'  Sometimes I have had to struggle with myself.  But, in fact, the book is literally taking me on "A Journey from Perception to Knowledge, Peace of Mind and Joy".

This morning while reading in Chapter 8 ("Being in the Now") I read a section that especially impressed me.  I do not have to "buy into" any of the first seven chapters in order to understand the logic and wisdom of what I read in that section.

Here is that section, verbatim.  If it rings true to you (as it did to me), you will probably find that "You Have Chosen to Remember" can forever change your paradigm, by showing you that knowledge, peace of mind, and joy are nothing more than choices.

Being in the Now on the Road

"Have you ever noticed... anyone going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" - George Carlin

The ego has taught us that if someone cuts us off in traffic, we should react with emotions such as annoyance, irritation, anger or even rage. The world considers these emotions to be natural and deserved responses. The world tells us that we have every right to be angry. It feels natural and right to react with anger because that is how we have been trained and what we are now used to. In fact, we often consider what is natural and what we're used to as basically the same thing. Yet, what we are used to and what is natural are usually two completely different things. Any time we react with anger, such a reaction occurs not because it is natural, but because it has become a bad habit. We have learned negative tendencies, have not corrected them and they have become bad habits that we now call our natural behaviors. We have repeated these bad habits over a period of time and they have now become "second nature" or natural tendencies. But many of the reactions we consider natural tendencies have, in truth, nothing to do with our true nature. When we were children, our parents, other family members and friends reacted this way. As a child this type of reaction was often common, first with our parents and family members, then with our peers. As adults, they probably still react this way, and now we have probably joined them in their thinking. At first, such reactions probably did not sit well with us, but as we heard our families react over and over in such a manner, sooner or later we got used to the behavior, and let it be until their behavior became ours.

I remember as a very young child, driving with my mother in Caracas, Venezuela. Sooner or later, someone would cut her off, or something would happen on the road that she simply did not agree with. Her response was typically a negative comment regarding the other driver's skills. I remember hearing my mother say things she would never say outside the car. Needless to say, the first time I really remember arguing with my mother was in the car. She complained about someone's driving and I immediately came to that person's defense and explained to my mother what she could have done to avoid the situation. Let's just say that taking criticism about her driving skills from a seven year old child did not win me any brownie points! On the other hand, she was happy because she thought that it was only a matter of time before I would become a successful defense attorney. So on and on it went. My mother complained, I defended the other drivers, she came back at me telling me why I was wrong, and I offered driving advice on how she might avoid such situations in the future. She would say that I should be defending her and not the other driver whom I did not even know. Anyway, on and on it went, drive after drive, until one day I got so tired of the whole game that I figured it would be best for me to just fall asleep, or just keep my opinions to myself.

The reactions of my mother, which most people consider natural and correct responses, offer people a certain level of comfort. For if it did not offer a certain level of comfort, why would people continue to react this way? Attacking a brother or sister only offers a certain level of comfort because we believe that when we do so, we are released from the negative emotions we ourselves offer. Yet, if we were to look within, we would see that whatever we offer a brother or sister remains with us. If, in a car, we offer anger, that anger, as much as we want to believe that it affects the other driver, affects us more. We think that we experience release and comfort by attacking a brother or sister, but this is only a false release, a false comfort.

I invite you to look within. Does this so-called release truly bring comfort? True comfort manifests itself as the state of peace. Does attacking a brother or sister, regardless of how much we think we are right, offer us true peace? Shouldn't comfort and peace of mind go hand in hand? Do these “comfortable” feelings come from actual comfort, or from habits and illusions of comfort?

The ego would have us believe that if we "give it" to another driver, this action will make us feel better. The ego teaches us that what we give we lose. Thus, if we give a negative emotional response to another driver, this negative emotion will leave us and somehow stay with the other driver, thus releasing us from the response. This, the ego says, will make us feel better and will make the other driver feel worse. Not only that, but the ego also wants us to believe that this negative emotion will somehow stay with the other driver for a long time to come, thus making us believe that we got the upper hand.

The Godself reminds us that what we give - we keep, that what we offer a brother or sister - we gift ourselves. There is no way we can offer a negative emotion without feeling it ourselves. What we offer a brother or sister must first flow through us. There is no such thing as letting another driver "have it" without feeling it in one way or another.

Now try to remember all those times you reacted with anger out of habit. You will probably not have to think too far back. Has this habit ever brought you true peace of mind? And if not, has it ever brought you comfort? So isn't this habit of anger, with which we are now comfortable, really just an illusion of comfort? Haven't we suffered in our cars long enough? Would you like to change your way of reacting? Would you like to know what true comfort feels like? There is a way, my friend, to find peace and comfort on the road.

I used to react with a lack of peace on the road. I admit that even today, I slip every now and then and mentally let a driver have it. But the difference is that I now catch myself being out of peace with myself much quicker, and as I catch myself I correct the situation in my mind and find true comfort and peace.

Living in Caracas, Venezuela presents many opportunities to choose peace on the road. If you haven't been there, imagine Los Angeles with half to a quarter of the available traffic lanes, no real street police enforcing laws and stop lights which, on a good day, are perceived by fellow drivers as yield signs. If it rains, people are better off walking to work, regardless of the distance. This is a city where, if a survey were conducted asking people to find the turn signal in their cars, at least 90 percent would fail!

We have discussed that anger might seem to be a logical, comfortable response - one that we are used to, a habit. We have also discussed that this so-called comfortable response has truly never brought us comfort, and if it hasn't brought us comfort, it definitely hasn't brought us peace. In fact, we have tried it the ego’s way over and over again, and what has it ever really brought us? Are you open to trying a new way? Good, because this has worked for me, and if it has worked for me then it can work for you.

Living in the Now: Four Steps to Choosing Peace on the Road

There are four steps that I have used and still use to obtain peace on the road. They are as follows:

• Learn to differentiate between the spiritual being driving and the action of cutting you off.
• Look at each driver on the road as the child of God and visualize someone you know, trust and love. I visualize Jesus, especially when I need His assistance with those who cut me off or drive recklessly.
• Pray for the safety and protection of every driver who cuts you off or is driving recklessly.
• Be a positive example on the road.

The first step toward choosing peace on the road is to learn to differentiate between the spiritual being driving and the action of cutting you off. We have all had bad days, or at least days we perceived as bad. We have all been late for a meeting, a date or work. We have all had plenty of excuses for not driving as carefully as we could every day. Having said this, would we like our lifetime to be judged based on one driving mistake, one careless act? Well, that is what we do when we call someone a jerk (or worse) for cutting us off. We judge that person's entire life by that one moment in time. We see this person as someone who has always been a jerk and will probably die a jerk. Not only do we punish this person for this one act, but we equally punish ourselves through our loss of peace. Little do we know what kind of day or week this person has had or what kind of situation that individual is currently experiencing.

For all we know this person could be a great person who just happened to make an error in judgment while driving. We are always in the right place, at the right time. Thus, this person is offering us a gift, and this gift is the opportunity to remember and practice our perfection through the act of choosing peace on the road. As Plato once said, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

What a wonderful gift it is to be able to choose peace in such a situation. This child of God who has crossed our path is allowing us the opportunity to practice choosing peace. We have been taught the habit of choosing anger, and judging our brother or sister. This is a habit that will probably take time and practice to correct. Therefore, every opportunity that a brother or sister offers us is no more or no less than a beautiful gift. This individual is offering us the practice of choosing peace. There will come a time when we will no longer need to practice choosing peace, for we will be at peace and live in peace. Until that day comes, thank our brothers and sisters for their offerings, participation and assistance.

We, and our brothers and sisters, are the extension of God's love in action. When we see that in our brothers and sisters, we feel it. Every action, reaction and situation is an opportunity to remember this. There will come a day when instead of judging our brothers and sisters, we will thank them. There will come a day when, instead of reacting with anger, we will react with understanding. And there will come a day where, instead of seeing an error, we will see and meet the opportunity. That day is coming, for you have been led to this passage and in your heart you sense its truth. We have tried it our egos’ way long enough. We have tried judging our brothers and sisters. We have tried anger and seen error. Now our hearts remind us that there is another way of looking at this. There is another way of reacting. There is a way to find peace in our brother or sister's action. There is a way to find peace in our reactions. There is a way indeed.

The second step toward choosing peace on the road is to look at each driver as a child of God and visualize someone you know, trust, respect and love. I visualize Jesus driving certain cars on the road, especially the ones that cut me off or drive recklessly. At first, you might feel a little strange doing this but this might assist you in getting past the illusion that the spiritual being who just cut you off is a stranger. For how could you ever truly be mad at God’s child? There is nothing strange about a child of God, for you and he are one. You are a child of God; the stranger is a child of God. Both of you are part of the extension of God's love in action. Both of you have chosen this path, a path that will allow each of you to choose heaven or hell, peace or anxiety, forgiveness or judgment. Forgive his error and you will be released. Choose not to forgive, and you will add the weight of judgment to your heart.

To me, Jesus was and is a great teacher. He is the definition of love in action. In my heart, I know that He would want me to feel the same way about all my brothers and sisters. He would want me to see His perfection in everyone. He would want me to forgive and love my brothers and sisters no matter what, and to treat all my brothers and sisters as I would treat Him, and so I do. To me, Jesus is a child of God, and we are children of God. There is no difference between any of us, except for the fact that Jesus has remembered his perfection and we are in the process of remembering ours.

See who you will in the other car, but know this: that person is a mirror image of you. There is nothing that you wish for that person that you do not experience yourself. If you are angry with him, you will feel it within yourself. If you forgive, understand and have compassion for him, you will also feel that within. There is nothing you do to another that you don't do to yourself. You know this to be true because you have felt your own anger. Regardless of where and to whom you distribute it, you have felt its consequences.

The next time you become angry with another driver, feel what that does to you, not only to your outer self but also to your inner self. Feel the heavy fog roll through your heart, feel its denseness. Feel the tension in your body, the anxiety. Then listen to the sadness in your soul. Hear it for the first time asking you this one simple question: Why would anyone in their right mind do something like this to themselves over and over again? Ask yourself: "What am I doing to myself? What am I accomplishing?" Then, as the fog dissipates and the light begins to shine through, say this: "I simply choose not to do this to myself any longer! There is another way I can react. I will now choose to see God's child in my brother and sister!"

The third step toward choosing peace on the road is to pray for every driver who cuts you off or is driving recklessly. Replace the angry reaction that has brought you nothing but pain and sadness - with a prayer. Let that prayer come directly from your heart. Reach into your heart and pray that the individual gets home safely, that he or she has a great day, and that his or her kids and family are showered with love. With all your soul, pray for God to send angels to escort him or her home. Pray that they touch his or her heart so he or she might think of others and slow down. Pray that anything that is bothering him or her will be washed away through God's mercy. Do this for him or her and you will be set free. You will feel all that you have asked for them. What you will receive in return is a peace that will fill your drive anywhere you go.

The fourth step toward choosing peace on the road is to be a positive example for those on the road. It feels good and peaceful being a positive example, whether in life or on the road - there is no difference.

Gratitude

Thank you, Mother, for giving me life, and for demonstrating by action (if not always by word) that we each have to figure out our own way in life.

Thank you, Father, for giving me life, and for keeping enough distance between us that I did not become consumed by your anger.

Thank you, my brother Joe, for often guiding our family in the absence of our father.  Although you helped teach me to be extremely judgmental, later in life you demonstrated a better way.

Thank you, my brother Tom, for teaching me that life isn’t all roses, but for nevertheless often taking an interest as I struck out in adventures in my Pollyanna naiveté.

Thank you, my sister Janet, for trusting in me and believing in me from our mid-teens until our mid-thirties.  I may not ever know what happened after that, but I am confidant that you are living your life the best you can.

Thank you, Jule (Danny), for teaching me that to love is always better than to obey.

Thank you, Mr. Andrew, for recognizing enormous potential in me.  Because of you, sixth grade was a truly phenomenal year.  It was the only school year in which I did not miss a single day.

Thank you, Mr. Snapp, for making Algebra the easiest class that I ever took.  Among other things, you demonstrated what a computer was a decade before most of us ever got to see one.  You changed my life.

Thank you, Mr. Savage, for asking me a question that I never, ever forgot.  I still cannot answer the question, nor do I expect that I ever will.  Your goal:  “To teach you [ninth-graders] how to think."  Eventually (forty years later) I finally started thinking for myself.  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Thank you, Roger, for a bond of friendship that has never been matched.  I am so sorry for being such a judgmental jerk.  We met because of our shared religion.  Interestingly, it was that same religious fanaticism created distance between us.  I saw black-and-white, you saw shades of grey.  Your much-better-balanced view has served you well.  The older I get, the more I understand your wisdom.  You are a truly good man.

Thank you, Jerry, for believing in me, many times, in many ways.  I judged you harshly, too.  Thanks for not killing me.  (I know you never would have, but you surely must have wanted to…many times.)

Thank you, Brenda, for being my anchor for 36 years.  It never was about who was “right” and who was “wrong”.  I wish I had recognized that decades ago.  (I wish you could see it today.)  We produced four beautiful children.  Today, you are very happy with your life, and I am very happy with mine.  It just doesn’t get any better than that.

Thank you, I. V. (Lee), for believing in me in a way that nobody else ever has.  More than once you came to my defense when congregation “authorities” attacked.  I was devastated when they ruthlessly turned on you.  You are a truly great man.

Thank you, Bruce, for being such a dear friend.  You tried to teach me to choose my battles.  You showed by word and action that the real pleasures of life are all around us, all the time.  We had great times together!  Then, you died so young.  I realize more and more every day what a truly wise person you were.

Thank you, Christopher, for showing me that life needs to be enjoyed for what it is…and (unfortunately) for demonstrating the need for balanced self-restraint.

Thank you, Diana, for showing me that creativity often trumps logic…and for trying (when you were in your teens) to teach me that none of us share the same reality.  (I really thought you were loony-tune.  Today, I realize that it was I who did not have a clue.)  You have so much more potential than you realize.  And, thank you for the sweetest granddaughters in the world!  When they recognize their own value to the universe, they WILL do great things.

Thank you, Tonya, for being Daddy’s little girl.  You are a living demonstration of almost-unconditional love.  More than any of my other children, you have been a mirror of my own life.  I have deep love (and compassion) for you.

Thank you, Julie, for having the fortitude to live your own life, and for doing it in a mostly-constructive way.  Keep charting your course, making adjustments as needed.  Thank you for my grandsons, who are both very strong, but in totally different ways.

Thank you, Mark, for simply being you.  You emulate Jesus' love of people in a wonderful way.  I have no other friend who is so important to my life.  You taught me the meaning of unconditional love.  Stop doubting yourself; you are the “real deal”.

Thank you, Randy, for believing in me for as long as you felt that you could.

Thank you, Laura, for your uncanny perception.  I do not believe that anyone has ever understood so quickly what was missing in my life.  You have a gift.  I hope you dance.

Thank you, Diana, for being the easiest person in the world to talk to.

Thank you, María Isabél, for serving as my guide (and so much more) during my visit to Mexico.  So far, that trip has been the last “great adventure” of my life.

Thank you, Lynn, for helping me to be more receptive to ideas that I would have flatly rejected only a few years ago.  Because of you I doubt a little bit less, and believe a little bit more.

Andy: Oh…I don’t know, Barn.  I guess it’s a time like this when you’re asked to believe something that don’t seem possible.  That’s the moment that decides whether you got faith in somebody or not.

Barney: Yeah, but how can you explain it all?

Andy: I can't.

Barney: But you do believe in Mr. McBeevee?

Andy: No... no... no.  I do believe in Opie.

(Click here to watch the scene.)